Happy Birthday to Me: 34 Things I Should Do to Help Me Stay Sane This Year
Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at 7:27 PM Tomorrow is my 34th birthday. I've realized that the older I get, the less excited I get about the arrival of August the 18th. It's not about the ticking off of another year—it's just that so much other Real Life stuff is going on that I don't even think about it as much. Earlier this week, I got my first batch of birthday cards in the mail. As I pulled them out of the mailbox, I thought for a fleeting second, "Wow! Four cards … for me? What are these for?" followed by, "Ohhh, right, my birthday. I remember now."
Scott and I have done some fun pre-birthday stuff the past couple weekends. First was the Arcade Fire show in Maryland, which was A-MA-ZING. Last weekend, Scott and I went to Philadelphia overnight—a very generous and very welcome birthday gift from my in-laws. We ate, we drank, we slept in, we went to IKEA on the way home — heavenly.
"Happy Pink Birthday Party Ribbon" by D. Sharon Pruitt on FlickrWhen anyone asks me what I wanted for my birthday, I've been half-jokingly responding with one of these items: a maid, a babysitter, my pre-baby body, more hours in the day … You get the idea. Then it hit me: I do need these things, or at least their equivalent.
I would LOVE to say that I didn't need a single thing, that I was blissfully happy and content. That's what a good mom says, right? That's what a good wife says, right?
I don't believe it. I adore my son and my husband. But the fact is, sometimes I am overwhelmed by my life.
Last summer at this time, I was overwhelmed because I had a 3-month-old baby and had to go back to work in a few weeks. This summer, I feel exactly the same, except that infant is now a toddler who can run, doesn't sleep nearly as much as he used to, and is into EVERYTHING.
So, as a gift to myself, I thought I'd come up with a list of birthday wishes/resolutions — little things I can do to make my life a little easier this year.
Here goes, in no particular order. Since these are 34 "gifts" for me, I'm addressing myself:
1. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. You always feel better when you do, but you foolishly fight it and usually stay up too late.
2. Clean the kitchen before bed. It will make breakfast go more smoothly—and will make you happy first thing in the morning.
3. Program the coffeemaker at night so that you can wake up to the whole house smelling like coffee.
4. Make lunches right after dinner/during post-dinner clean-up. It's easier than in the morning.
5. Turn off the sound alerts on incoming e-mails. (I crossed this one out because I already did it. Seriously, the constant pinging of my work e-mail was driving me insaaaaaane, and I always felt compelled to check it right then.)
6. Do not allow Facebook and Perez Hilton to suck away any more of your time. You are permitted a quick peek while you drink your morning coffee, but that's it. I mean it this time. (No offense, Perez.)
7. Better yet, quit Facebook altogether. (OK, this probably won't happen, but every week I vow to be done with it. Am I really missing anything? I really should just rip off that Band-Aid.)
8. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. Take walks on the other days. Try to focus on how good you feel and how well you sleep instead of the number on the scale or on the tag in your jeans.
9. Stop trying to be Julia Child and Martha Stewart all the time. You are a mother of a toddler and have a full-time job. Not happening!
10. Take more photographs. It forces you to slow down and look for the beauty in things.
11. On days when you're home with Benjamin, be home with Benjamin. As much as possible, go outside. Resist the urge to even think about work except during his naptime and after he goes to bed.
12. Schedule time for yourself and with friends. Meet the girls for coffee, get a pedicure, go shopping, read a book outside somewhere. Do something that has nothing to do with being a mom, wife, or college professor. Do something that has only to do with you.
13. Write more. You have lots of ideas, but they aren't doing any good just hanging out in your brain. Put them on paper. You know what they say: Even if it sucks, keep going.
14. Clean out your closet. Get rid of clothes and shoes that you don't absolutely love, that don't fit well, or that you haven't worn in a year. This will likely leave you with about five items of clothing, but it's OK—you like buying more. It will prevent the dreaded Musical Outfit game.
15. In a similar vein, figure out what you're going to wear to work the night before. While you're at it, figure out what Benjamin is wearing the night before, too.
16. Pack Benjamin's daycare/going to Nana's bag the night before.
Time out: I think I should write a parenting book and call it "The Night Before." Everything should be done the night before. And at what point does "the night before" seep into the day before, which messes everything up?
17. Pull out and dust off the Crockpot. Figure out some recipes and use it. You aren't officially a mom anyway until you start using a Crockpot.
18. Drink more water and less coffee.
19. Call your long-distance friends more. You miss them, and they probably miss you.
20. When you get frustrated with your husband, remember your wedding day, your trip to Montreal, and last weekend in Philly. Remember how much he makes you laugh and how much you love him.
21. Don't let the house and the kid and your work consume you as a person or you and your husband as a couple. That's big and vague, but repeat it to yourself.
22. Plan a menu every week. See Item #17.
23. Read books that have nothing to do with journalism, mass media, freelancing, or parenting. Also nixed from the list? Memoirs By Writers You Admire. They're OK now and then, but overall they make you feel twitchy and inadequate.
24. Have a yard sale. While the preparation is going to be hell, you will be left with a house that's filled with much less stuff. Totally worth it, in my book. Also, your next-door neighbors are, it seems, professional yard sale–throwers. Find out when they're having their next one and tag team.
25. Remind yourself that for every student who's a pain in the ass, there are far more who are not. Focus on the good ones.
26. The next time the dog annoys you, try to see him the way Benjamin sees him: with utter and unabashed love and fascination. Remember how he used to fall asleep during puppy kindergarten, wake up to follow a command, and then flop down and fall back to sleep again, or how he looks when he's hanging his head out the window in the car.
27. If there's a movie you really want to see, go see it in the theater. Go by yourself if you have to.
28. Listen to music every single day. It's a salve for the soul.
29. Have your lesson plans totally, 100% complete, you guessed it, the night before. Pack your bag the night before, too — and put it in the car.
30. Balance your checkbook. Pay your bills the day the bill arrives. Save more, and spend less.
31. Make something—a craft, a photograph, a story, a finger-painting, whatever. That internal editor who's telling you stuff isn't good enough? She's not invited.
32. Take a yoga class. You've always wanted to — now do it.
33. Step away from the computer as much as you can. When you are using it, try to use just one or two programs or look at just one website at a time — no more. Too much multitasking is stressful.
34. Take a deep breath and thank the universe for all the good stuff: your son, your husband, your family, your friends, your work, your house, your income, your dog … and you.
Reader Comments (4)
I sooooooo love this, Steph. And, I think I could take pretty much all 34 of your items (minus #13, maybe, since I'm not a writer) and then add three more when I meet 37 in October. I love your list!!
We are SO on the same wavelength. I have been thinking pretty much exactly the same things lately. I think we get to this stage where we're not quite as overwhelmed (but still overwhelmed!) by being a new mom and it's like, wait a minute! I was a person before I popped this other person out of me? How do I get a little bit of that back?
Make me one of your long distance friends to call. You're right, I do miss you.
Oh, dear Tracys (or should that be Tracies?), you are both too sweet.
I beat myself up sometimes, I think, because, in the moment, I feel like I'm the ONLY woman who feels this way and that everyone else has it all together but me. But, of course, that's silly --- it seems that this is almost a universal experience.
Feel free to add to my list! I'd love to hear what tips you have, too.
xoxo
S.
This is an awesome idea that I might steal - okay borrow - next year for my next b'day - ugh 39! And you're right everything works out better the next day if you plan it the night before. I do that just about half the time. Happy birthday. Don't quite FB, just limit yourself...your posts always remind me to check out your blog.